The Lost Mattress - Clip 1 - Me Back (transcript)

This article is a transcript of the SpongeScout RedPants episode "The Lost Mattress" from season four, which aired on May 13, 1995.

Clip 1 - Me Back

• [Engineer's watch strikes 9 o'clock]
• 'Engineer': Wow, this time I'm really late again. Maybe he'll finally fire me. [laughs as he walks into the closed front doors of the Krusty Krab] Locked?
• 'SpongeScout': This isn't happening. This isn't happening.
• 'Engineer': SpongeScout?
• 'Scout': The horror, it's unspeakable. Don't you see, Engineer? It's closed! The Krusty Krab is closed!
• ''''Engineer': You mean I got out of bed for nothing?
• ''''Scout': The doors are locked. The doors are locked and we are on the outside. Outsiders. What are we going to do, Engineer? There are Krabby Patties inside all alone.
• 'Heavy': Just stand aside, lad, and let me unlock the door.
• '''''''Scout'''': [faces comes out his backside] Mr. Heavy, you're here![jumping around] Gosh, Mr. Heavy, we were worried something might have happened to you. That the world would've never been deprived of the greatest food known to man.
• ''''Heavy': [drops his keys] Oh, you made me drop me keys. Give me some space, lad. Can't a human tank get a little space now?
• ''''''''''Scout''''''': [cries] I'm sorry, Mr. Heavy.
• '''''''Engineer'''': Harsh. [laughs]
• '''''''Heavy'''': [breaks his back] Arrgh, me back!
• '''''''''''''Scout'''''''''': Are you hurt, Mr. Heavy?
• ''''''''''Heavy''''''': No. I'm just doubled over in pain, fightin' back tears in me eyes because it's a new dance craze.
• ''''''''''''''''Scout''''''''''''': Oh good, I thought you were hurt.
• '''''''''''''Heavy'''''''''': I am hurt, ya idiot! [Scout cries] I'm sorry I snapped at ya, laddie. It's just me back is killing me. It's me old, lumpy mattress. It's like trying to sleep on broken coral. I'm going out of me mind. [back breaks again]Oh, me back.
• '''''''''''''''''''Scout'''''''''''''''': Poor Mr. Heavy. What are we going to do, Engineer?
• ''''''''''Engineer''''''': Why do anything? I like the new Mr. Heavy. He yells at you more. [laughs]
• ''''''''''''''''''''''Scout''''''''''''''''''': I'm serious, Engineer.
• '''''''''''''Engineer'''''''''': So am I.
• '''''''''''''''''''''''''Scout'''''''''''''''''''''': We should get Mr. Heavy a new mattress and surprise him with it as a gift. Then we'll never have to be late to work again.
• ''''''''''''''''Engineer''''''''''''': What? You want me to spend my hard earned money on my richer than me skin flint boss? No, thank you. [enters Krusty Krab]
• ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''Scout''''''''''''''''''''''''': That's okay, Engineer, you'll warm up to the idea. [later]